Sleepless in Crete

A balmy night. A beautiful greek island. Our last night in Agia Galina a charming fishing village/resort in Southern Crete.

The wine was following. The singing was flowing. The dancing was getting hectic. We had said we were going to dance the night away. Our bodies told us otherwise. And so about one o'clock in the morning, we all took ourselves back to our hotel rooms. Warmed by the wine. Some more than others.

And so it was thus that by the aforementioned one o'clock, I made my weary way hack to the hotel. I had not had too much wine, but a sore throat and sudden persistent cough - obviously I was going down with something - ensured that I had a headache anyway.

Back at my hotel room, I proceeded to get ready for bed in the usual manner. It seemed to be taking a little longer than usual because of the wine, the tiredness and the feeling that a flu bug had honed in on me at sometime during the holiday (or maybe just before).

Eventually I got into bed and I fell into a deep, deep sleep. A bit out of the ordinary really as I suffer from insomnia and so boy, I must have been exhausted.

Alas, this amnesic spell in blissful slumberland did not last long.

I awoke suddenly to a loud buzzing noise in my right ear. (I was lying on my left side). My head hurt like someone was crushing it it in a vice. The combination of the wine and the flu bug - or what ever it was - was doing me no favours. I tried to sit up to find out what the mysterious buzzing had been, but as I attempted to lift my head from the pillow, I could had sworn someone had hit me on the forehead with a baseball bat.

Finally managing to prop myself up and hearing nothing else in the immediate vicinity, I was convinced that the buzzing had been imaginary, partly due to a slight hangover which by now had me in it's grip and partly due to the sore throat and cough which in my wakefulness had returned.

And that wasn't all. With deepening horror, I became increasingly aware that in a few hours, I would (hopefully) be on a plane winging it's way across Europe. And that would happen following a one and a half hour car ride from Southern Crete across the mountains to Northern Crete and the Airport at Heraklion……Nausea raised it's ugly head at the thought.

Complete silence now reigned in the hotel bedroom and I was fairly certain that the buzzing had been something to do with my 'not very well condition'. I needed sleep. I had a busy day ahead.

And so I lay down, trying to ignore the invisible hammer blows that were now reining down on the back of my head.

Slowly I began to drift into a fitful slumber. Deeper and deeper and …….Buzzzzzzzz………..I shot up in bed and winced in pain. Clasping my hand to my now mushed up brain, the awful reality of the situation dawned on me……. MOSQUITO…arrggggg…..this can't be happening to me. Not now. Not with a hangover…and a sore throat…and a cough…and a generally lousy feeling…..No please God, don't let it be a Mosquito…………l'll do anything. I promise if you please let it not be a mosquito……

Nightmarish visions swam in the inner vaults of my mind. Long legged flying insects circling the bedroom waiting to attack me with their fang like mandibles, drawing blood and leaving God knows what in it's place.

Gingerly I got out of bed to make sure it wasn't a mosquito and that I was letting my imagination get the better of me. I swayed around the room nursing my throbbing brain. I turned my head with great difficulty, skimming the white walls of the room, and for a moment seeing nothing unusual I was about to lay down again and turn out the light when…oh no! There it was on the wall just above where my head had been lying a few minutes ago.

I looked around for something with which to terminate it's existence. Picking up a towel which had been laying on a chair at the side of the room, I crept up behind it and taking a mighty swing ( with which I almost toppled myself to the ground), the towel hit the wall and the mosquito vanished.

For a minute I didn't know where it was, had I hit it or had it made a miraculous escape at the very last nano second?

I looked round the bedroom. My head swimming. My throat raw. But I could see no sign of my nocturnal visitor.

Satisfied that it could not have disappeared so quickly I got back into bed and turned out the light. It must be dead. It must have just fallen down the back of the bed…..

Head pounding. Heart pounding, waves of nausea coming and going, but despite this discomfort I found myself gradually and mercifully falling asleep once again. Bliss. Rest at last. Maybe I would feel okay in the morning and the trip home would not be so bad after all. Maybe I would….Maybe…..

………..BZZZZZZ…….My God. It was louder this time. Had it grown? Had it really turned into a hideous flying monster with long dangly legs hell bent on tickling my face and having a quick snack as it skimmed past me? Just a little fun before it sank it's teeth into me? I saw it again in my mind, grown to a monstrous size. Retribution for me attempting to slaughter it whilst it's back was turned.

Defying the pain in my tortured, sleep deprived brain, I got out of bed again and snapped on the light. All quiet. No sign of any mosquito.

Never-the-less I decided that a bigger weapon was in need, (rather like a bigger boat was needed in Jaws), and so grabbing a magazine and rolling it up, I walked around the bedroom, by now almost weeping in frustration at the lack of sleep and the thoughts of the hellish flying, disappearing creature which was taking it's toll on my delicate state, not to mention my nerves.

A few minutes creeping groggily around my bedroom and still no sign of the vanishing mosquito. Examining the walls and at the same time feeling very sorry for myself, I saw that there was a crack where the top of the walls met the ceiling and over a certain length of time they had slightly parted company with each other leaving a sort of ledge at the very top of the walls. This must be its hiding place. Its vantage point from where it surveyed all that was below it (namely myself) and planned its dive bombing attacks.

Accepting that there was no hope of incapacitating it whilst it stayed up in it's hiding hole , I climbed back into bed. This time I pulled the sheet over myself, covering every bit of myself completely and I lay there quivering in what had now become a little tent - my improvised mosquito net, hoping for all I was worth that I would get some sleep...sleep. Oh how I needed sleep.

As it transpired, either I had mortally wounded my nocturnal foe or it had decided that it was in need of sleep too, for there was no more buzzing, no dive-bombing, no sign of it at all. For my part, I was desperate to catch even a few minutes of slumber, for I saw the first light of early morning was beginning to stream in through the louvred balcony doors; the very doors through which the flying monster had entered during the previous evening. Soon it would morning for real.

I eventually dozed off, and those few minutes I had wanted must have been just that. For I was to be awakened by another buzzing noise. This time it was the alarm clock that jolted me back into conciousness.

But a little sleep had been a blessing and my headache, which had been hammering away just a few hours before was now beginning to subside.

The long drive to Heraklion Airport on the northern side of the island happened with out incident. Well, that is if you're willing to discount a kamikaze taxi driver. But hey, I had made it. I was on my way home.

The following day, back at my apartment I was sorting out my clothes for the laundry when I felt a sudden stinging and itching on the side of my neck.

Oh yes, my flying, buzzing friend had made sure I had not left the island without one last momento.

I looked in a mirror and there it was; a fiery red bump. A souvenir from The Mosquito from Hell.

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FOOTNOTE: The picture is of our last night on the island - just the usual shenanigans.