Vuvuzela....Ella

ZZZzzzzzzzzz…..ZZZzzzzzz…ZZZZzzzzzzz

No it is not likely to get to number one in the charts, and no, it won't ever find itself in an orchestra outside of Africa. Played alone it maybe okay, relaxing even??? But blown by thousands simultaneously and droning on and on and on during the 2010 World Cup matches is, well, not on. At least that's my humble opinion.

When it is being blow by tens of thousands in this relatively confined space, the sound resonates at 144db. Louder than a jet engine at 137db. Experts have placed 137db as the limit to which the human ear should be exposed, or permanent deafness may result.

ZZZzzzzz…..ZZZZzzzzz…..ZZZzzzzzz

So pity if you will the poor player. France blamed their poor showing in their opening game as a lack of concentration due to the loudness of these horns, making it impossible for players to communicate with their managers sat on the benches, and vice versa. Still the horns go on….C'est la vie. La vie often sucks.

Green…and that slippery fingered goal that managed to oil (no pun here) it's way through his inept looking hands - the hands that made a unique gift to the USA…the dreaded equaliser - Vuvuzela stress? Hmm. Well maybe. If it was he aint admitting it yet.

ZZzzzzz……..ZZZzzzzzz…….ZZZZzzzzzzzz

The vuvuzela is part of the South African culture. I am informed that it had it's genesis in the kudu antelope's horns and was was originally used to summon the villagers to their regular meetings. So far so good….that was many years ago. Now it's made from plastic in Chinese factories. Welcome to the 21st century.

ZZZzzzzz….ZZZzzzzz…..ZZZZzzzzz……

To those in the stadium it's has to be deafening. Drowning out any singing coming from the terraces by the fans. A traditional feature of the World Cup which we have all come to ..er…love? Maybe the Australian team should send their Kangaroos to jump on all vuvuzelas and crush them into the ground. Harsh? you cry…Bliss I cry….

For us watching on our TVs it sounds like the droning buzz of a gigantic swarm of angry bees. On….and on…..and on….

Where's the fly swat ???

ZZZzzzz……ZZZZzzzz…..ZZZzzzz….SPLAT !!!!